HELLO DRAMATIC TITLE
Not a long break, but a break nonetheless. And also not a break because of a lack of motivation or creativity. But still, a break and it deserves an explanation.
I feel quite empty at the moment. Not so much in the sense that I have no thoughts whatsoever, and in fact quite the opposite. I'm overwhelmed with thought. And nothing feelsquite real. It's as though I'm looking at life through a screen; I can see and feel everything that's around me but I can't engage with anything.
One of the comments I get sometimes is "your videos allow me to escape from reality for a little while". And honestly those comments are some of the comments that really make me so incredibly happy because I do the same. My way of distracting myself is through youtube and Netflix and Social media in general, and I'm so grateful to have a platform where I can also be that distraction for others. But, at the same time, I feel a lot of pressure to continue to be entertaining and I'm finding that difficult when I'm so consistently overwhelmed and anxious. I just feel really drained. And sad? Sad because I'm not meeting your expectations or my own.
I'm nearly at the end of college, so I'm sure if you haven't related to a single thing I've said up until this point, you'll hopefully relate somewhat to that part maybe? I'm also doing horribly in college at the moment so there's that lol.
I'm really excited for the rest of this year, so please don't mistake this as sadness, or me giving up. I'm in the process of getting back together in terms of college and I'm also currently planning for Vidcon and Summer in the city! I just need a little bit of time to myself is all really (although I'll still be shitposting on twitter and instagram of course). Also, I don't really know how long the break will be? I hope not too long.
Anyway, that was a waffle. I really, really appreciate how patient so many of you have already been over the last couple of months, so I truly understand if you're upset. But thank you for all your love. I'll never understand what I did to deserve it. This is also starting to sound like I'm never coming back I'M JUST FULL OF EMOTIONS BUT I'LL STOP NOW
Lot's of love <3